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Although I was able to maintain my “dream” physique, it came with such a price. A price of constant underlying anxiety in my relationship with food. I was constantly focused on food what I could and couldn’t eat, how would that food affect my physique, being hungry and having to wait until my next meal time to eat, oh no I ate chocolate, I have to work out harder tomorrow and a constant focus on my body’s appearance “do I look bloated? Is my stomach poking out too much in these pants?” And going to events was a challenge, but I found a way to accommodate my anxiety by packing my own food in a cooler to bring to parties (YES, I did that!) or only sticking to plain ole boring veggies (as much as I do really love veggies, when there’s a wonderful and beautiful selection of other kinds of foods, my body would create tension build up from resisting them).
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